It was a crisp autumn morning when I made the most heart-wrenching decision of my life: to give my baby up for adoption. The kaleidoscope of emotions I felt is hard to describe—a blend of love, grief, hope, and profound sadness. I knew it was the right choice for my baby, yet the thought of letting go felt like tearing a piece of my heart away.
In the early days, the pain was raw, an open wound that seemed it would never heal. I would wake up in the middle of the night, my arms aching to hold my child. The silence in my apartment was deafening, a constant reminder of my loss. People tried to comfort me, telling me time would ease the pain, but their words felt empty. How could time heal post-adoption depression so deep?
But as the seasons changed, so did I. Slowly, I began to understand that healing was not about forgetting or moving on in the traditional sense. It was about learning to carry my grief with grace, to embrace it as part of who I am. I realized that letting go didn’t mean I had to erase my love or forget my child. It meant finding a way to hold onto that love while making room for new joy in my life.
To other birth moms out there, I want to share what I’ve learned on this journey of letting go and healing. It’s a path marked by tears, laughter, setbacks, and small victories. Here are some steps that have helped me find peace and hope again.
Tips for Learning the Art of Letting Go
Acknowledge Your Feelings
First and foremost, allow yourself to feel everything—anger, sadness, guilt, love. These feelings are all valid. Don’t push them away or pretend they don’t exist. It’s okay to not be okay. Writing letters to my child that I’ll never send helped me process my emotions.
Seek Support
This is most important when learning the art of letting go. You don’t have to go through this alone. Lean on friends, family, or support groups for birth mothers. Connecting with others who have walked this path can be incredibly healing. They understand the complexities of your emotions in ways others might not.
Create a Ritual of Remembrance
Creating a ritual helped me honor my child and the decision I made. It could be as simple as lighting a candle every year on their birthday, planting a tree, or keeping a special piece of jewelry. This act of remembrance can be a powerful way to connect with your child and your emotions.
Find an Outlet for Your Emotions
Expressing yourself is vital. For me, painting became an outlet, a way to pour my emotions onto a canvas when words failed me. Whether it’s through art, music, writing, or exercise, find something that allows you to express what’s in your heart.
Give Yourself Time
Healing is not linear. There will be good days and bad days. Be patient with yourself and recognize that healing takes time. Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace, without pressure or judgement.
Embrace Your Strength
Making the decision to place your child for adoption is an act of immense love and bravery. Remind yourself of the strength it took to make that choice. You are strong, even in moments of weakness.
Look Forward
While you’ll always carry a piece of your child with you, it’s important to look to the future. Set goals, find new passions, and allow yourself to dream again. Your adoption journey doesn’t end with adoption; it’s just a new chapter.
To my fellow birth moms, I want you to know it’s possible to live a full, happy life after placement. The pain may never completely disappear, but it transforms, becoming a bittersweet part of your story. My child will always be a part of me, woven into the fabric of my being, and I’ve learned to carry that love with grace. I’ve discovered strength I never knew I had and hope in places I never expected to find it.
The art of letting go isn’t about forgetting; it’s about learning to live with love and loss, side by side. It’s about finding peace in the knowledge that you did what you believed was best for your child. And in that peace, there’s a beauty and strength that endures.
Remember, dear heart, you’re not alone on this journey. There’s a world of support and understanding waiting for you. Take it one step at a time, and know that it’s okay to seek help, to cry, to laugh, and to hope. Above all, know that you are loved, you are brave, and you are enough.
Hope, I am successful at teaching you the art of letting go. Good luck!