A groundbreaking study conducted by Baylor University’s Diana R. Garland School of Social Work sheds light on the intricate emotions experienced by birth mothers contemplating the profound decision of placing their children for adoption. Dr. Elissa Madden, the lead author, delves into the unexplored realm of birth mother experiences during the adoption process. Aiming to bridge gaps in the existing literature and influence future adoption practices. Before going into this research, let me recount a fascinating story I came across on Quora, submitted by Naima.
A Mother’s Decision and the Unseen Bonds of Acceptance
In the early days preceding the arrival of a child into this world, a mother faced a daunting decision that would inevitably shape the course of her offspring’s life. Choosing to place the child up for adoption and deciding well in advance of the due date. She remained in the dark about whether she had given birth to a boy or a girl.
As the years unfolded, the mother returned to the rhythm of her own life, finding solace in the belief that her decision was in the best interest of her child. However, her initial relief transformed into worry when unsettling stories reached her ears. Tales of adopted children subjected to exploitation as slaves or organ donors.
Child’s Unwavering View of their Birth Mother
It wasn’t until the child turned 32 that their paths intersected once more. Surprisingly, the child expressed an unwavering view of the mother as a maternal figure. Placing her on the same pedestal as their adoptive mother. Upon their reunion, the child reassured the mother that no feelings of hatred or resentment were harboured, contrary to her fears. Understanding the complexities of life, the child bore no ill will towards her for the difficult decision made in their infancy.
The adoptive mother had introduced the child to the diverse tapestry of the world. Imparting the understanding that people often make such decisions due to challenging circumstances. Though the reasons might not always be joyful, the love and care provided by adoptive parents remained steadfast.
Challenges of Reestablishing Connection
Despite the child’s open-mindedness and acceptance, the birth mother found it challenging to adapt to the new role of being addressed as “mama.” In her eyes, the relationship remained akin to that of a distant niece, a connection not easily reestablished. Nevertheless, she found solace in the child’s fulfilment and acceptance of her decision.
Despite the geographical distance that separated them, the birth mother yearned for more frequent visits, particularly as she aged. Despite living worlds apart, the connection between them remained robust, with the mother residing in the child’s thoughts and heart each day. Just as the child had always been and continues to be in hers. The journey of adoption, though challenging, resulted in a unique and enduring bond that transcended the boundaries of time and space.
Over time, the mother took pride in the child’s achievements, reassured that her choice had contributed positively to their well-being. Her initial worries dissipated as she witnessed the child’s contentment, affirming that the decision made was the right one.
The Research Journey
Published in the journal Families in Society, the research draws from an online survey involving 223 birth mothers who relinquished their infants for adoption over the past 25 years. This era was chosen to reflect the evolving landscape of open adoption arrangements between birth and adoptive parents.
1. Dynamic Nature of Satisfaction
The study shakes up the usual idea of satisfaction, uncovering a tricky link between time and birth mother happiness. While many felt happy at first, a bunch saw their satisfaction drop as time passed. This shows it’s important to tell apart being satisfied with the adoption choice and dealing with lasting feelings of loss and sadness. The findings stress how birth mother satisfaction changes over time, giving us a better view of their evolving feelings. In short, the research urges us to look deeper into how time shapes birth mothers’ experiences, helping us understand their changing emotions better.
2. Age as a Decisive Factor
As time goes by after giving up their child, age becomes a crucial element, playing a key role in the declining satisfaction experienced by birth mothers. With each passing year, there’s a noticeable decrease in contentment. The researchers suggest that this phenomenon is linked to the growing temporal distance from the adoption event. As birth mothers age, they gain a broader perspective, which prompts them to reflect on the potential outcomes of keeping their child. The passage of time appears to amplify the contemplation of what could have been, contributing to a steady decline in satisfaction over the years.
3. Education, Income, and Dissatisfaction
Surprisingly, as people climb the ladder of education and income, their satisfaction tends to decrease, according to a study. The research proposes that achieving success in these aspects might make birth mothers rethink their decision, as they might feel capable of offering the essential resources for successful parenting. In other words, the more education and money someone has, the less satisfied they might be, possibly due to a reconsideration of life choices. This finding challenges the common belief that higher education and income directly equate to greater happiness and contentment, shedding light on the complex relationship between success and personal fulfilment.
4. Contact Facilitating Satisfaction
Birth mothers who stay in touch with their children tend to feel more satisfied, according to recent studies. This finding supports earlier research that highlighted the positive impact of ongoing contact on alleviating anxiety regarding the child’s well-being. Additionally, it helps reduce feelings of abandonment and guilt. The key takeaway is that maintaining a connection between birth mothers and their children is crucial for emotional well-being. This ongoing interaction not only provides reassurance about the child’s welfare but also eases the burden of emotional struggles such as abandonment concerns and guilt, ultimately contributing to higher levels of satisfaction among birth mothers.
5. Full-Time Employment and Satisfaction
Interestingly, full-time working birth mothers experience higher satisfaction, according to researchers. They suggest that being employed contributes to personal fulfilment, possibly indicating an acknowledgement of limited parenting resources. This revelation highlights the potential positive impact of work on a mother’s overall well-being. Additionally, it implies that the act of being employed may bring about a sense of accomplishment and contentment. In essence, this research underscores the idea that working mothers find fulfilment and recognition, whether through personal growth or an acknowledgement of the challenges they face in parenting.
Implications and Recommendations
The study emphasizes the long-term impact on all members of the adoption triad and calls for adoption professionals to be well-versed in both positive and negative repercussions for birth mothers. Dr. Madden and her team propose several changes to the adoption process:
- Annual Grief and Loss Training: Adoption professionals should undergo regular training to better understand and address the emotional challenges faced by birth mothers.
- Ongoing Support Services: State and federal policies should ensure that birth mothers have access to continuous post-relinquishment support services.
- National Standards for Information: Adoption professionals should provide standardized information detailing the benefits of ongoing post-adoption contact to expectant mothers and prospective adoptive parents.
- Legal Counsel Stipends: Expectant mothers should receive stipends to hire independent legal counsel, ensuring proper representation during relinquishment and sensitive discussions regarding post-adoption contact.
Building Forever Families: A Unique and Empowering Journey
This research has explored into the intricate dynamics of birth mother satisfaction, shedding light on crucial aspects that contribute to the overall adoption experience. The findings not only enhance our understanding of the adoption process but also lay the foundation for transformative changes in adoption practices and policies.
At Forever Families, we are dedicated to making a positive impact on the adoption journey. Our commitment extends beyond the insights provided by this research. We offer comprehensive support, ranging from assistance with the adoption process to counseling services and more. We understand the complexities involved and are here to guide and support birth mothers every step of the way.
If you or someone you know is considering adoption, remember that Forever Families is here to help. Reach out to us for personalized assistance, counseling, and the support you need. Together, we can make the journey towards building forever families a fulfilling and empowering experience. Your path to parenthood or placing your child for adoption is unique, and we are here to ensure it is a positive and transformative journey for all involved.