Thank you the Forever Families team for giving me the opportunity to share my story.
Hello readers,
Through my story, I want to address birth parents who are struggling with the fear of judgment. Before I start my story, I want to say one thing: Just list to your heart and ignore others.
As a birth mother, the decision to place my child for adoption was one of the most emotionally taxing choices I’ve ever made. It wasn’t a decision born out of callousness or lack of love for my unborn child. Instead, it stemmed from a place of profound concern and responsibility.
Discovering I was pregnant was a whirlwind of emotions. Excitement, fear, and joy mingled with an overwhelming sense of dread. You see, I had been grappling with mental health issues for years.
My Mental Illness
My mental health journey was a tumultuous path, woven with the threads of anxiety and depression that clouded my days. I worried a lot about how tough things might be for a baby if I couldn’t handle my feelings well. I didn’t want them to feel what I felt. My struggles with feeling low or anxious were not going away quickly. So, I decided it was better for the baby to have a different, more stable life without these tough feelings.
Facing Fear of Judgement in Adoption
The choice to place my child for adoption wasn’t made lightly. It was a deeply thought-out decision made with love, although I knew it would be met with skepticism and judgment from those around me. I understood that many wouldn’t comprehend my reasoning; they’d see it as abandonment, as a lack of maternal instinct.
The most difficult part was facing the judgmental gazes and hurtful comments from friends and family. They couldn’t comprehend why I would make such a decision. “How could you give up your own flesh and blood?” they’d ask, their words laden with disbelief and condemnation.
Their reactions stung, piercing through my already vulnerable heart. But amidst the tidal wave of criticism, I held onto the belief that I was making the right choice for my child. I envisioned a life where my baby would thrive in a loving, stable environment, unencumbered by the struggles that I faced daily.
Navigating through the disapproval and societal stigma wasn’t easy. There were days when the weight of judgment felt unbearable, like a suffocating cloak I couldn’t shake off. But with each passing day, I found strength within myself, bolstered by the conviction that I was doing what was best for my child.
Then, the help came.
Support came from unexpected quarters. A counselor I confided in offered a compassionate ear, assuring me that my decision was valid and made out of love. Finding solace in support groups for birth mothers going through similar experiences helped me realize I wasn’t alone in this journey.
Gradually, I began to let go of the guilt and shame that had cloaked my decision. I chose to focus on the positive aspects, on the hope that my child would have a brighter future. The adoptive family I chose was filled with warmth and love, and knowing that my baby would be embraced by such caring individuals brought a sense of peace amidst the storm of judgment.
Overcoming the fear of judgment was a process—a journey fraught with emotional turmoil and self-doubt. But through it all, I held onto the belief that my decision was rooted in love and selflessness. Today, as I reflect on that challenging chapter of my life, I find solace in knowing that I gave my child the gift of a promising future, free from the shadows of my own struggles.
While the judgment and criticism still linger in echoes, I’ve emerged stronger, more resilient, and with a profound understanding that sometimes, the most difficult decisions are made out of pure love.
My tips to overcome the fear of judgement in adoption.
If you’re a birth mother facing judgment or worrying about how others might perceive your decision, here are some tips I would like to share with you that might help you overcome the fear of judgement in adoption (based on my experience):
Trust your decision.
Remember that you made this choice out of love and concern for your child’s well-being. Trust your instincts and believe in the reasons that led you to make this decision. Your choice is valid and made with the best intentions.
Seek support.
Surround yourself with people who understand and support your decision. And, connect with support groups for birth mothers or seek counseling to find a safe space to share your feelings and receive encouragement.
Educate others.
Help others understand your decision. Share your reasons openly and honestly. By explaining your perspective, you can bridge the gap in understanding. It’s okay to educate those around you about the depth of your choice, giving them insight into the love and care behind your decision. Moreover, this openness might foster empathy and lessen judgment, creating a more supportive environment for both you and your child.
Practice self-compassion.
It’s normal to feel hurt by what others say, yet their opinions shouldn’t shape your value. Recognize your bravery and resilience in choosing what’s best for your child, despite the challenges. Your strength in making a tough decision speaks volumes about your love and dedication to ensuring your child’s brighter tomorrow.
Focus on your child’s well-being.
Keep your focus on your child’s welfare. It is your top priority. Constantly remind yourself that their joy and safety matter most. By prioritizing their best interests, you’ll find strength to stand by your decision, even in the face of criticism. In addition, your commitment to securing a better life for your child outweighs any judgment. Stay steadfast, knowing that your actions are rooted in ensuring their brighter and happier future.
Be positive and patient.
Overcoming fear of judgement in adoption takes time. Stay positive and patient with yourself. Healing from the emotional impact of judgment can be a gradual process, so allow yourself the time to heal and grow stronger.
Find closure.
Sometimes, closure comes from knowing that you did what was best for your child. Celebrate the choice you made and find peace in knowing that you gave your child an opportunity for a brighter future.